After a number of years thinking, I finally decided that at the ripe old age of 48 years old I was too long in the tooth for having the selflessness required to raise any more children. My youngest being 14 years old. I fixed up an appointment to have a vasectomy.
The day of the vasectomy
I arrived and the most painful part of the procedure was carried out first – handing over the money. I was then counseled, to determine if it was a properly thought out decision, and given pre-op and post-op information. I went back to the waiting area and was soon taken into the procedure room where I was asked to strip from the waist down although I was allowed to keep my socks on as the room was chilly!
What greeted me when I looked down came as a real surprise to me. It was the “acorn of the year competition”. Where had my pride and joy gone? The female nurse was much too professional to make any comment and any time I looked at her she was looking me in the eye. I was washed down with warm liquid and then I saw the anesthetic being prepared. This was my biggest fear I have to confess. I don’t mind injections and have a high pain threshold (for a man) but I can honestly say there was no pain at all having the local. I was asked if I could feel anything when he poked my scrotum with what looked like a pair of scissors and when I confirmed it was numb he soon had my right vas out to work on. So far so good.
Things suddenly deteriorated. The fan went on to extract the smell of burning flesh – get a stronger one is my advice – not a smell to have happy memories of. Worse than the smell though was the sensation. Do you ever put your tongue on a 9V battery? Well, it felt as if my right testicle was connected to the National Grid. My discomfort was apparent – probably due to the unparliamentary language – but to say it was painful would be a lie. It was much more of an unpleasant sensation than pain. The left testicle however proved very different and I felt nothing at all. A sterile dressing and a pair of speedo’s later I went to the recovery area.
After a cup of coffee, I was free to go. I walked the mile to the train station, stopping off on the way at the pharmacy to get some co-codamol tablets. I had been advised that the local would last about 3 hours and so 2 hours after the op I had 1000mg on the train to ensure a continuation of a numbing effect – I didn’t think frozen peas would be understood by my fellow travelers.
I arrived home and went for a pee and took the opportunity to inspect the damage for the first time. No swelling on either testicle. Great. No bruising on my balls. Fantastic! My sterile dressing was clean and dry. What a surprise. I couldn’t even see the incision even though I keep myself trimmed but OMG what is that on the base of my penis? All I can think is that is was used as a handle for immobilizing things as there is an obvious and perfect black area the shape and size of a thumb.
I took 2 more lots of tablets at 4-hour intervals and went to bed feeling a little tender – like bad blue balls or the after-effects of a blow to the balls – but not in any pain.
The next day
I wakened this morning after enjoying an unbroken night of what must have been pain-free sleep. Today I have been tablet free and pain-free and tonight 30 hours after the surgery I can confirm that everything is still performing as it should – and without any pain or tenderness. I hope this confidence doesn’t prove to be ill-placed.
Submitted by Sam
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