Fern’s experience: Story of regret

As I’m sure is the case with a lot of men, the idea of a vasectomy came from my wife, who got it from one of her friends… This subject would have never come up otherwise. It’s very difficult to say no to the person you love most in your life, so I started doing a whole lot of research.

That’s where I found out how easy, clean, simple, and inexpensive the procedure was supposed to be. Everyone painted such a pretty picture, how much easier it is for a man to get a vasectomy, that it became impossible for me to reasonably or rationally say “no” to such a simple procedure.

What am I chicken? – Was the comment she made. I felt an obligation to go through with it. No one told me that a big part of me was going to die.

The vasectomy

On December 18, 1998, after visiting 3 different urologists, I became what I call a “Vasectomy Victim” I got the NSV procedure done, and fortunately for me, everything came out okay. No major medical problems with it.

However, I regretted that decision every single day from the time I stepped out of the office. For me, it was the most degrading, humiliating, embarrassing, uncomfortable experience I have ever had to go through. My view of the world was turned upside down. I became depressed, angry, disinterested in sex and I even lost weight -something I was never able to do before.

I kept all these feelings to myself for about 6 months after the vasectomy, when finally I decided to talk to my wife about them. She was very supportive and very apologetic since she had no idea how I really felt about it. So, what to do next? Back to the research table.

Why did I want a reversal?

  1. Regret. Never should have happened in the 1st place.
  2. Meaningless sex. I saw no real purpose in giving only fluids.
  3. Just not the same. It was just not the real thing, not what it used to be. Don’t get me wrong, it was still good, but nothing like the articles I read about other men expressing how much you would enjoy worry-free sex. To me, it was just a watered-down version of what it used to be, sex had always been worry-free while my wife was on the pill.
  4. I was being selfish. Self-explanatory.
  5. I lost my manhood. Women have eggs, men have sperm. I didn’t have sperm any longer. I felt “harmless” during sex “nothing alive”. Sometimes in the middle of it all, I thought… why am I here, what for? The vasectomy took away the thrill of it all… just fluids, nothing special there… Shooting blanks just wasn’t for me. People say her being on the pill would be the same thing, but when you think about it, cops wear vests – do those stop criminals from shooting at them? No. The end of that discussion :).
  6. I saw my last baby as my last baby ever. She was a constant reminder that I could not have any more like her. We had her 7 years after our first child (no, she wasn’t a mistake, we stopped the pill on purpose to have her). Not once in those 7 years did I think of my first child as my last child.
  7. I was losing my wife’s trust. I think she realized that there was no pregnancy consequence for her, but also for every other woman out there if I decided to have an affair. She thinks of me as the best-looking man in this world (I would say otherwise, but that’s how she feels) and she thinks all the women would be after me… Vasectomy or not, that was never an issue for me.
  8. I fell into the vasectomy trap. And I think many men will agree with me. Once you agree to go get some information, that’s it… you’re in for it no matter what you say or do… you’re doing it for her, not for you. You’ll get a lot more than you bargained for at the first consultation. I wasn’t prepared to drop my pants right there and then and the information received unfortunately just pushed more towards getting a vasectomy.
  9. Not the best birth control. I didn’t think of it as birth control, to me, it was just an intrusion into my very personal life, the most intimate part of me was tampered with and cut apart! I was not able to leave the disconnection alone.
  10. Incomplete feeling. Millions of sperm cells were trapped in my body, not coming out the way they were meant to… I wasn’t “giving” my all.
  11. Just not happy with who I became. I wasn’t happy or comfortable with the sterile me. It’s not in my character and I should have known better but didn’t want to disappoint my wife, either. I still can’t believe I actually went through with it… but what else was I supposed to do?

The reversal

Well, we started looking at reversal operations. Obstacles started showing up right away… all research indicated how expensive it was and how difficult they are to perform, but never exactly how expensive, or how it’s done, or what it would look or feel like after it’s all healed.

On July 18, 2000, exactly 1 year and 7 months after my vasectomy, I was on the operating table for my reversal surgery. It has been the best decision we’ve ever made.

My wanting a reversal had nothing to do with wanting to have another child. I have 2 wonderful kids and that’s all I want. I just could not continue being sterile… I tried “living with it”, ignoring it, acting like it never happened. None of it worked.

Well, after $6,000 and 2 scars on my scrotum, I must say I’m way happier now. Even before the vasectomy! My scrotum feels nice and tight and sex is the best and the most frequent I’ve ever had!

Submitted by Fern

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