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Vasectomy Haiku

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  • Carlos

    Hey all: I had a vasectomy done a week and a half ago. Used lots of ice, rested a lot, and besides one of the incisions not quite healing as expected, all went well. I summed up the experience in a series of haikus. Here ya go:

    At long last I meet
    The Doc who tells me its time.
    Why have I waited?

    He himself had it,
    Welcomed me into the club.
    Draws a detailed chart

    The day comes too soon,
    I stay quite busy until
    Time to go has come

    Never shaved these things
    They see their first glimpse of steel
    Cold, shining, hard, sharp

    Five milligram tab
    Valium will surely help
    I like this calm dream

    Greet nurse and chit chat
    Doc enters, wife leaves, I sigh
    Shoes, pants off, robe on

    Lie back relax now
    Small talk, valium chit chat
    snip snip poke tug tug

    All done over with
    Out to waiting room, smug smile
    No regrets, dull ache

    Films, television
    La-Z-Boy and frozen peas
    A bizarre three days

    Snapshot memories
    “Snip poke tug suture suture”
    Veil of valium

    Old Chinese Eunuchs
    Carried their three jewels for life
    To die as whole men

    Told this to the Doc
    He offered me my jewel-snips
    But I’m fine as is

    Those poor little guys;
    “Dad! Help! Can’t find a way out!”
    But it’s for the best

    Carlos Alden

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