Phlox & Phloxina's experience - added 27th July 2002
"Our story"

We are both 22, just out of college, where we first met 4 years ago. He is in computer science and working from home, she is currently a contract mathematician. We are both younger children of ridiculously large families. When we first met we found that, then we had 20, and rising, nephews and nieces between us! and that we were both committed to NEVER becoming parents. Currently we have 25 n&n and still rising.

As time passed we entangled more and more; and married, 2 1/2 years ago (to parental despair), while still at college.

A year ago we had a serious scare and began to think positively about sterilization (for him or her). We looked on the web and found much valuable information, and some disgustingly crude mis-information as well.

Over Christmas we discussed our options and finally tossed a coin, once. Phlox won. He had his vasectomy on the 28th of February; got his first clear on the 19th of March and a second on the 25th.

Phlox:

Once we made the decision there were no problems, Phloxina was working at the local hospital and friendly with a young female surgeon in the urology department. My, female, GP raised no problems once we had explained about the 25 and, unwittingly, referred me to Phloxina's friend; who checked me out and asked me if I would participate in a trial. Until the results are formally available I don't want to say much about it, except that it aimed at reducing the time to sterility. The procedure itself was quite straightforward, with Phloxina holding my hand, and ensuring that nothing else was sliced, the whole thing was over in about half an hour.

[Open ended, about 1 cm. removed and about 3 cm, towards the prostate, chemically cauterized and sutured]

The surgeon, did a very good job and I had little bruising. 3 1/2 weeks later I was bruise free, without twinges, aches or tender spots and really quite enjoying my new state!. If there are any problems later I promise that I/we will post an update.

The only medical requirements were a base-line sample first, abstinence for 5 days to the first sample, and samples every 5 days after that.

Phloxina:

If the coin had come down the other way our positions would have been reversed. I was more than prepared to have a tubal. He was a bit cautious, poor boy, the first 2 or 3 times but the modified version is now in full working order and at least as good as the old one. I stayed with the pill until he got his second clear.

Four and a half months later I really think he is actually much improved! We certainly seem to enjoy each other more than before. If any couple decide, for whatever reason, to be CF, my advice would be to go for the snip and put an end to uncertainty and miserable indecision. Unless, of course, they enjoy being miserably indecisive.

Phlox & Phloxina:

The only considerations we think worth while are these:

1) You, and you alone, must make the decision (and regard it as being for ever irreversible). As we see it, parents, family, church, religion, have no part in deciding on how YOU, singly or together, decide to live your life. It is the only life you have - do not waste it, living it for some one else!!

2) Be especially aware of external advice on the net, look for its hidden agenda, its incomplete statistics, its unsourced references.

Example: When you see "50% more problems with.." ask yourself, how many problems were there to start with? 6 in 100,000 cases? in which case the extra 3 are almost certainly due to chance alone.

Example: When you see '1% of men seek reversal because of PVP', do you really think that the net effect, over 10 years, of about 60,000 such cases, amongst litigious Americans; would be effectively zilch? In our opinion there are, as in life in general, some minor hazards; and that they seem to be grossly overstated for religious, political or other, sometimes undisclosed, reasons.

3) It is always worth while trying to check credentials; remember 'Dr. Xxyz' could well be a doctor of divinity, not even some branch of medicine. Try to contact the author or the quoted journal, if there is no response, or no such journal, draw your own conclusions.

Who do you tell? (If anybody)

We regard our decision as OUR decision; our families have no part in it, although they may well find out; it is none of their business. Our friends, not all CF, mostly know. Some of the boy friends go sort of green and want to talk of other things, others have come out of the closet. The women are interested in how Phlox is doing. (We expect some to 'talk it over' with their boy friends and are awaiting the outcome of these 'discussions' with interest).

Keep smiling.

Phlox & Phloxina