Julie's experience - added August 3, 2009
Comments regarding Janice, Ganymedes and Tony #3's stories

Hello,
Firstly I would like to thank you for the opportunity of reading these three stories in particular, and for hosting a unique site that allows all opinions to be aired openly and publicly without censor. You are to be commended for your lack of bias in covering all aspects of this procedure. I feel your site is providing an excellent and unrivalled public forum as it successfully attempts to cover every conceivable aspect of vasectomy. The collective amount of information and knowledge disseminated through the personal experiences in this section is excellent. Knowledge is power and your site's candid and even handed approach to the subject is the perfect vehicle for facilitating those who want to empower themselves.

When I read Janice's story, I identified immediately with what she had written although my circumstances are very, very different.

I am a woman with two adult children...post menopausal, way past ever having another biological child so no pregnancy concerns there. I have found myself out in the dating world again recently after a break up with my partner. We'd had a good relationship especially in the physical sense and it was purely the unfortunate circumstances that forced us apart.

In the ensuing months that have followed I have met several men and each one has had a vasectomy for varying reasons.

Enter acquintance no 1:-
He was tall, handsome and lots of fun. Yet the moment he disclosed to me that he'd had the operation, it kind of "killed" the attraction I felt inside toward him. I persisted in getting to know him better, but the initial attraction never really returned.

Enter acquaintance no 2:-
His story for having a vasectomy was very sad, as his first and only child was born with some serious health issues. Once again, like the first fellow, he was handsome, stylish and presentable and I was attracted to him until I discovered that he, too, had had the procedure. My heart sank at the revelation. I couldn't then bring myself to become romantic with him either.

Enter acquaintance no 3:-
We had a brilliant first date, which lasted about six hours. He was also very attractive, witty and interesting. However, when he brought me home, I couldn't even give him a goodnight kiss on the lips. I kind of wanted to but something held me back.

My feelings, when I learned of these vasectomies, can only be described as distaste. You know the feeling when you find something kind of repugnant. You just can't bring yourself to cross that line and "get over it". Actually, having said that, I don't want to get over it. It would feel like I am ignoring something inherantly wrong. I don't want to become desensitized as it were. These feelings to me are here for a reason and I am going to unashamedly take heed of them. You know when you hear that little warning voice, that little intuitive voice that is tryining to tell you something. If you hush it down, you very often regret not listening to it in hindsight. I am going to continue to listen to that voice.

With the first two men, within a very brief period of time, they had actually volunteered the information about having undergone a vasectomy without any conscious prompting from me. The thing is, when I first met these men the question of whether they'd had a vasectomy or not wasn't even first or foremost in my mind and I hadn't even thought about asking them. With the third fellow, however, I actually asked him if he had finished having children with a view to finding out if he'd had a vasectomy. He said yes "permanently" and explained his decision to go ahead.

I am finding, like Janice, that being with a man who has voluntarily become sterile there are subtle changes at work of my perception of him and therefore my feelings of attraction toward him. I've examined my feelings and have found that if I'd learned he'd become sterile through illness or injury then I know that somehow I wouldn't feel that way. I would have an "acceptance" of what had happened, knowing that his situation had been out of his control.

After these experiences of mine I watched videos of the procedure on YouTube and seeing a perfectly, wonderfully functioning male, moments beforehand I kept feeling that they should stop the op, get off that operating table and still walk away "whole" and "intact" while they still could. In another video, when I watched one young man grimace with the pain I just felt so sorry. I want him to yell out "No, no, no !!! stop...stop...stop !!! I don't want this !"

It upsets me tremendously somehow, seeing a man willingly surrender his body, his "wholeness", his "essence" to what I can only describe as the physical violation of a perfectly functioning bodily part.

Doesnt' the medical profession profess "First, do no harm !" Isn't it "harming" by disabling a perfectly normal, natural bodily function? Their disclainer is that there are always "risks" - risks such as higher blood pressure, higher testosterone levels which may or may not lead to prostate cancer in later life, risks such as a disease similar to but not the same as alzheimer's, risk of auto immune disease, risks of granulomas, haematomas, risks of pvp (post vasectomy pain). The list goes on. I also read that percentage wize these risks are very "small", but as a few men have mentioned if they happen to be pain and are in that 3% or 5% then they don't care about what the statistics say.

I just know I can never become involved with someone who has had a vasectomy. I have even asked these men I've seen if they would consider a reversal as somehow the act of trying to right a wrong, whether is is ultimately successful or not, seems like a reparation for something that should never have been done in the first place. I know, like Janice, I must have sounded crazy. What ?...a woman like me who can't have children anyway, wanting a man to have a reversal ? They would never understand my psychological need that I just want a "whole, unviolated man".

Story number two Ganymedes.
When I read his story, my heart just felt so heavy for him and his experience. I am so greatful that he would write so openly about his physical / emotional journey post vasectomy. He has certainly been to hell and back with his experiences. I empathized with emotional pain he went through and his need for his wife to understand, his feelings of resentment that had emanated toward her. His anger and disdain at the women who would speak so cavalierly of their husbands being "fixed" with their ensuing "giggle, giggle, giggles". Making light of something so life altering, even life shattering.

Story number three:-
I have since read Tony #3's letter and the factual medical content he has shared is staggering. His letter bears weight not only from the point of view that as an individual he experienced major complications, but from the point of view that his post operative research is incredibly thorough coming from the perspective of his being a qualified doctor (psychiatrist). He has published information and statistics that the ordinary lay person would have a struggle to access but thanks to your site, the information is all there.

Anyway, once again thank you for allowing me to get this off my mind and for having an opportunity to explore the psychological and emotional after effects of vasectomy on both men and women.

Yours sincerely,

Julie